So what's the problem? Well, oddly, there is not much free time at the hotel after a hard day at work. I am usually doing admin work or staring at my Facebook page desperate to have some sort of connection with my friends. My brain is not in a blogging place at that point. Often, I'm zombified. For instance, I was in Tulsa this past week. I had a 6:45 AM flight Tuesday morning, which meant I was up at 4:15 AM. Got into Tulsa, and headed straight for Staples to get some supplies. Got to my class location and set up tables for the day. Studied the material, as I had not taught this class previously. My first class was at noon. I then went on to teach three 2-hour food safety classes, finishing at 6 PM. Someone left me this likeness of me in a notebook:
"WASH YOUR HANDS OR I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL"
Set the room for the next day, then off to dinner with my colleague. Tried to talk with my kids in the small window of time they are available to talk between dinner, bath, and bedtime while my childless co-worker sat patiently in the car with me. Checked into the hotel around 8ish. Chatted with Husband for a few, then worked on paperwork and prepped for class until 10:30. Zonked out and got up at 6:15 AM on Wednesday. Met my colleague in the lobby at 7:15 and headed over to prepare for the day's class. An 8 hour food manager certification class for management. Finished that baby up, and headed to drop off colleague at hotel by 6. Off to the airport to return car and catch flight. Oh, but wait, per usual, flight is delayed. I finally got out of there at about 8:40, and by the time I walked in the door at home it was 10:30. No dinner. Back up at 5:45 to get the kids ready for school/babysitter, then off to meet the regional president's assistant to scout meeting locations. I'm sure I was drooling by that point.
This is just a 2 day glimpse. This is SOP (standard operating procedure). Now, I say this not to complain. I absolutely love my job. This is largely to point out that my social life is dwindling, and I keep imagining passive/aggressive Facebook posts aimed at me. Paranoia is a side effect of guilt. Guilt I feel for not having the time to be the friend I want to be. I recognize this shortcoming. But beyond the waning social life, Husband is totally over it. So to recap, I love my job for the first time in my life, and Husband is not pleased with the situation. I don't blame him, which is all the more reason for me to be overcome with guilt on a daily basis. I go out of my way to make things easier, but there is only so much I can do when I'm in another state and the kids are acting like animals. I also cannot seem to get him to change his mindset, no matter how hard I try. Self-fulfilled prophecy, yada, yada, yads. I have to work, though. For financial reasons and for mental reasons. So, if I have to work, I want to enjoy my job. It's hard to fully enjoy it with an anvil of guilt weighing me down, but I'm hard-pressed to find a solution to please everyone.
Girl started back to school last week and is involved in cheerleading (2 practices per week!). Boy is starting preschool this week. Husband is playing in a recreational softball league. My school starts back up this week. Scheduling has been ridiculous. We have some amazing people in our lives that are stepping up to offer help, but it is no easy task for me to ask for/accept help. My Cozi and Outlook calendars look like rainbow explosions. I am not creating more things for us to do. I'm just doing everything it takes to keep on track with our goals, while making life as easy as possible on my kids. So the casseroles I meant to make for the friends with new babies and the phone calls I have been meaning to make (in spite of my serious dislike for the telephone) have fallen through the cracks. And I feel like a jerk. But every birthday party and playdate have been attended, because my kids' needs and social lives come first. That is not a complaint, that is a fact.
So there it is. Filled with sentences starting with conjunctions. I'm going to go eat chocolate now.